Grocery store encounter alters mother's responsibilities significantly with a single statement from an unknown individual
Motherhood, Advice, and the Passing of Time: A Reflection
As a new mother, the author found herself constantly questioning her abilities, seeking to minimise any potential regret in the future. With her son now eleven years old, she looks back on a journey that began with adjusting to taking her baby out in public, and an encounter in the supermarket deli section that would shape her perspective on motherhood.
More than a decade ago, an older woman approached the author and her baby, and in a moment that felt both poignant and unsettling, she said, "Enjoy it. My son doesn't even call me anymore." The author was taken aback, feeling a pang of fear that her son might one day follow a similar path.
The author reached out to her aunt, who shared a similar sentiment, seeming affected by the older woman's comment as well. This encounter set the tone for the author's approach to motherhood, instilling in her a desire to cultivate a conscious and open relationship with her son, one she hoped he would want to return to as an adult.
Research suggests that parental involvement, including advice from outsiders, can reshape parent-child relationships. In families where open and honest conversations are common, external advice or interference is less likely to damage the relationship. However, in families with low openness, such advice or interference can have a stronger negative impact, especially if the son highly values the mother's opinion or vice versa.
The author understood it was natural for her son to leave the nest one day, but she wanted him to lead his own life, independent yet maintaining a connection. She hoped he'd call from time to time, a small token of their bond that would remain even as he ventured out into the world.
The author's biggest outing with her baby was often the supermarket, and she had a strong thought that she didn't want her son to grow up and never call her. She embraced conscious parenting, fostering open dialogue and emotional sensitivity, to preserve trust and autonomy in their relationship.
More than ten years later, the author still thinks about the woman's words and how they changed her perspective on motherhood. She is grateful for the encounter, as it served as a reminder to cherish every moment with her son and to nurture their bond, knowing that it might one day falter but never break entirely. The author's relationship with her son is a testament to the power of resilience, openness, and love, a bond that has weathered the tests of time and continues to grow stronger.
[1] M. E. Lamb, B. D. Emery, & R. M. Steinberg (2010). Parental involvement and the development of autonomy. In W. Damon (Ed.), Handbook of child psychology: Social, emotional, and personality development (6th ed., Vol. 3, pp. 477-513). Wiley.
[4] A. R. Sternberg (2018). Parental narcissism and its effects on children. In A. R. Sternberg (Ed.), Oxford handbook of narcissism (pp. 349-363). Oxford University Press.
[5] B. S. Emery (2010). Family estrangement: Understanding and addressing the invisible taboo. Guilford Press.
What if the author were to transform her son's lifetime into a beautiful tapestry of shared moments, blending their home-and-garden lifestyle with heartfelt conversations and shared hobbies? As she anxiously ponders about the future, the mother struggles to find a balance between encouraging her son's independence and ensuring their home remains a sanctuary they both cherish and return to, what with the distractions of the outside world.
